Dissociation
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Dissociation is a state of acute mental decompensation in which certain thoughts, emotions, sensations, and/or memories are compartmentalized because they are too overwhelming for the conscious mind to integrate. This subconscious strategy for managing powerful negative emotions is sometimes referred to as “splitting“, as these thoughts, emotions, sensations, and/or memories are “split off” from the integrated ego.
This weekend I did my first stint as a rope bottom for a private class. Part of the day was a partial suspension scene. I was expecting to work to stay out of ropespace, and ended up flung into it unexpectedly. More on the class later.
Cut to the end of the class…
As we left, the student asked me if I disassociated during a rope scene. I had gotten very into it, despite the surprise. I’m not certain why I was so surprised at the question… I’ve been asked it before. I wondered momentarily if It looked as tho I was ‘absent’, then decided that was irrelevant.
No. I don’t dissociate, period. If anything, scenes put me deeper into myself, into the connection. If I’m really deeply into a scene I do frequently stop noticing my surroundings.. the music, the conversation, the light or dark or video… but, heck, I tune out the world when I’m reading a book, so… It’s more a matter of pinpoint focus on the actions/activities taking place, not a separation.
Recently I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the what and the why of the types of play I really get off on. I’m not a big fan of the idea of SM as therapy (I’m talking only of myself here, YMMV), however an awful lot of the types of play I’m craving are rather closer to my psyche than they used to be. I’m a fairly heavy masochist, with a particular fondness for singletails and canes, however I’m rapidly discovering that play without a psychological component is ‘SM lite’….nice endorphen rush, but, meh.
Rope, somehow, is different. Unless I have to work to keep the ropes ON, it gets under my fingernails.
Ok, I’m spoiled and a purist so nylon isn’t a turn on, but that might be another post…
I don’t dissociate. I dig deep.
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