Shameful Secrets

I’ve been thinking/talking mostly in terms of sexual empowerment.

There are so many ways in which we can learn to dis-empower ourselves, without ever consciously being aware of it. And once we become aware of it, re-empowering ourselves can be theoretically simple, yet tough to do.

I’m thinking now of personal experiences with medical and dental personnele.

There was the OB/GYN who refused to give me the paperwork needed to start the process of having my tubes tied (a 3 month wait, in NY). She went so far as to tell me they were out. Of the papers. When I requested a full STD panel, including the test for Herpes, she stopped and said fairly cynically: ‘I suppose you want me to run an HIV test too.” I thanked her for reminding me. She never did give me the results of those tests, and I’m fairly certain, now, that they showed I have HSV1 (coldsores) which I apparently get onece in a purple moon, and miniscule enough that I took them for zits. Yet still, I’d prefer not to even unwittingly pass on anything to my partners, if that’s possible.

And dentists…well, they’ve been such a problem for me in the last 4 years. I’ve gone thru a rough handful of them, and all but been abused by one of them. I needed some significant surgery, and still have a bit to go. I had one dentist rudely tell me that the broken root on an extracted tooth was MY fault for not keeping my mouth open wide enough. And to keep my eyes closed so he didn’t accidentaly drop a needle in them while doing the sutures. His failure to correctly submit his claim to my insurance company cost me money, not to mention time and frustration. It’s taken close to a year to discover what the problem was, and rectifying it requires getting him to resubmit a full report.

And I was going to go back to that putz and have him do more surgery on me, because I didn’t really think I had a choice. Because finding another one was like starting over, and I’d already done that 2 or 3 times. I’ve been trying to get the surgery done for over 4 years. LITERALLY. And after his last round (which left me incapacitated for over a week) I was in a position of having to move forward, or possibly never being able to do so.

Well, I didn’t go back. I got another referral, and saw an oral surgeon. Instead of the insulting kid (yeah, he was younger than I) who treated me so shabbily, I went to someone who actually listened to me. Worked with me as much as possible and treated me like an informed adult with a problem he could help fix.

I had the surgery done on Friday. the second of 3 parts for this phase. I’ll spare you the details as I know that’s not everyone’s bag… Suffice to say first I had some teeth removed, and this time I had implants put in. I’d say this part should have been more traumatic, mentally and physically, than the first, however it wasn’t. And I think that’s simply because he knew his business both as a surgeon and as a human. The emotional trauma was minor….I won’t, as frankly it would gross most people out, s but some of what he did was actually funny. Then, I have an odd sense of humor.

I’m not thrilled at another surgery in 6 months, however compared to this it will be a walk in the park.

And I’ve learned a lesson…. I’m never again going to put up with the kind of ‘treatment’ I received ever again.

What troubles me is that it took me this long to come to the conclusion that not only should I find other doctors (that was easy) but that these were things I should have reported when they occurred. Some other woman might not have insisted on getting the paperwork, might have failed to receive important information from that bozo of a doctor. Someone else might have allowed that dentist to perform surgery…certainly others insurance hasn’t been capitalized on based on his incompetence.

I think that for so many years, in so many ways, I’ve felt at the mercy of our healthcare system, I’ve lost track of what little power I do have. I can let whomever is in charge know how poorly I’ve been treated.

And, more importantly, I can let that dentist’s employers know that it was his poor care that resulted in my taking roughly $20,000+ (that’s right, twenty thousand dollars)to another practice.